Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?

Sheer Luck Holmes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Having a little nap on the sofa before taking myself up to bed for my main sleep.

I call that a snors d'oeuvre.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife has like 20% of a conversation in her head before she decides to bring me into it.

We can be driving in silence and she'll just be like "and then we'll pick the kids up and go straight from there."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Sorry I'm late. I sat on my bed in a robe for 30 minutes scrolling on my phone.

 

[MattyB]

My wife has like 20% of a conversation in her head before she decides to bring me into it.

We can be driving in silence and she'll just be like "and then we'll pick the kids up and go straight from there."

Last night my wife said to me, your not even listening are you?

I thought that was an odd way to start a conversation

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What has three legs and four arms?

My son's shit drawing of a snake.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Someone told me that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables.

I said that’s not nececelery true.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

At a certain point in your life, sitting at home alone watching TV on a Friday night goes from being super depressing to the most enjoyable part of your week.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Inflation is really getting out of hand. But that’s just my seven cents worth.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a joke in the stove?

A pun in the oven.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What do you call a starving hippo in Budapest?

A hungry Hungary hippo.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife was furious at me for kicking dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Women used to call me ugly until they found out how much money I make.

Then they called me ugly and poor.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Just got fired from my job as a set designer.

I left without making a scene