Dad jokes

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Got a couple of sock puppets for sale.

nyone interested in taking them off my hands?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Not sure if my sister knows any geography.

But Alaska.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To the thief that stole my pack of Red Bull:

How do you sleep at night?

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My son asked, “Dad, am I adopted?”

I replied, “Yeah but they kept sending you back.”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Which nut is the angriest?

The pissed-achio.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Drinking water through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I'm trying to remember what the French word for white is, but my mind just keeps going blanc.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My wife told me she's making a trail mix without any raisins or M&M's.

I said, "Well that's just nuts."

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Did you hear about the mute chicken?

It didn't give a cluck.

(Sorry about the fowl language).

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?

If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Accepted a position making crystal balls.

I could totally see my future in it.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 97 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

A friend of mine was having a hard paying their water bill, so I sent them a get well soon card.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

To all the people who always said I'd never amount to anything because of my procrastination: Just you wait.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

We started a band and called it "Books".

So no one can judge us by our covers.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

“Doctor, doctor! I keep dreaming that I'm a goat!”

Doctor: “How long has this been going on for?”

“Ever since I was a kid…”

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

My doctor told me to try a milk bath.

Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

Dad jokes leave me numb.

But maths jokes leave me number.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

What brand of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka.

 

[Bulldog Wrestler]

I was once so broke that I couldn’t even pay my electric bill.

Those were the darkest days of my life.